Learning of a terminal illness: Getting to the acceptance stage and sensitivity dealing with others

Sometimes a battle cannot be won. When you or a loved one is diagnosed with a disease deemed “terminal,” the news is devastating. Suddenly there is only one question on your mind; “how long?”

Many of us are familiar with the recognized stages of grief:
(in no particular order)
- Denial
- Bargaining
- Anger
- Despair
- Acceptance

Complete acceptance would seem to be the easiest stage to be in, and obviously the most peaceful. Although it would be fantasy to jump straight to acceptance after receiving terrible news, how can you get there quicker? Is there a way?

Unfortunately there really can be no time parameters set on each stage, and as far as we know, there is no pill to speed up the process. Each individual goes through the stages at their own pace, and in varying order. Some may experience anger first; others might begin by immediately bargaining with the doctor. To further expand the combinations, each traumatic event may elicit a different pattern of stages for each person.

Knowledge of the stages of grief and the understanding that everyone goes through them differently can make your life a lot easier when dealing with such sad news...

It’s very common for one person to make it to the acceptance stage (“I’ll be gone soon and then you won’t have to worry”), and another person to be in a different stage (“What do you mean you’ll be gone soon? Why do you say such stupid things?!”). If each person takes a second to remember the stages of grief and realizes a loved one is in a different train of thought, conversations can be less explosive and more like “I hope I can get to that acceptance stage soon like you did... lets go get some ice cream.”

Clearly, many difficult discussions are headed your way; there is no need to turn small talk into large arguments.