AA is No Joke

I can't recall how many times I've heard people make fun of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Mainstream America has joked about AA so much, it's become a cliché to say "hello my name is _______ and I'm a ______ (fill in the blanks)." Everyone seems to know this is the awkward opening line in the introduction circle at an AA meeting, and the ignorant seem to get a good chuckle out of it.

People who have actually been to a meeting will tell you there is much more behind standing up and simply uttering nine words. Just to get to the point of stepping into the room takes a lot of guts and a complete realization you MUST turn your life around.

Sometimes going to AA is so embarrassing, people lie to family and friends on where they are going. I knew a lady once who told a few trusted coworkers she started attending meetings, but she couldn't tell your own teenage boys. She wanted to tell them and explain the situation in order to teach them about addiction; unfortunately dealing with ending her dependence on alcohol was so much for her to bear emotionally, she didn't have it in her to bring her kids into the mix.

Then there was the guy I knew who repeadedly joined AA; it seemed like he was on a five year cycle, with each episode harder to manage than the one before. He'd let his drinking get out of control to the point of receiving a DUI - and that was the clue he needed to start turning himself around... again. It was usually not a case of leaving a bar and getting pulled over a few miles down the road though; he would drink WHILE driving to business appointments right through downtown Pittsburgh. He was so blatant about it he didn't even put the bottle in a bag anymore and he'd drive with his windows down. Everytime he'd make up his mind and get his act together it was even more of a struggle than before. For guys, it takes an amount of courage to swallow pride and admit you made a mistake, let alone the SAME mistake over and over again. He would always say "this is the last time I'm going through the program," and we'd all hope he wouldn't fall off the wagon in a few months. None of us would laugh about it though; we were just sad for him.

In any case, it takes bravery, humility, awakening and acceptance for a person to take a seat around an AA circle. It's no laughing matter, and I salute all who do - no matter what your story is.

Next time someone tries to be funny with the AA intro line, tell them they're unoriginal, ignorant and speak in clichés - that should shut 'em up.

Learning of a terminal illness: Getting to the acceptance stage and sensitivity dealing with others

Sometimes a battle cannot be won. When you or a loved one is diagnosed with a disease deemed “terminal,” the news is devastating. Suddenly there is only one question on your mind; “how long?”

Many of us are familiar with the recognized stages of grief:
(in no particular order)
- Denial
- Bargaining
- Anger
- Despair
- Acceptance

Complete acceptance would seem to be the easiest stage to be in, and obviously the most peaceful. Although it would be fantasy to jump straight to acceptance after receiving terrible news, how can you get there quicker? Is there a way?

Unfortunately there really can be no time parameters set on each stage, and as far as we know, there is no pill to speed up the process. Each individual goes through the stages at their own pace, and in varying order. Some may experience anger first; others might begin by immediately bargaining with the doctor. To further expand the combinations, each traumatic event may elicit a different pattern of stages for each person.

Knowledge of the stages of grief and the understanding that everyone goes through them differently can make your life a lot easier when dealing with such sad news...

It’s very common for one person to make it to the acceptance stage (“I’ll be gone soon and then you won’t have to worry”), and another person to be in a different stage (“What do you mean you’ll be gone soon? Why do you say such stupid things?!”). If each person takes a second to remember the stages of grief and realizes a loved one is in a different train of thought, conversations can be less explosive and more like “I hope I can get to that acceptance stage soon like you did... lets go get some ice cream.”

Clearly, many difficult discussions are headed your way; there is no need to turn small talk into large arguments.