Changed Perceptions

A few years back I began a subtle change of how I perceive life and death. It first started when I learned a close family member was diagnosed with irreversible liver cirrhosis. A year later another family member’s health took a turn for the worse from complete kidney failure. It was last year however, when the pregnant driver of Dirty Tractor Racing passed away from a brain aneurysm that my perception of life and death got suddenly real.

I suppose it could be called maturity, and everyone questions what the meaning of life is at some point, but so much has happened in addition to family and friend’s illnesses and passings that it seemed like life’s lessons were concentrated all together in an extremely short period of time. I often find myself relating to what an old Boss of mine use to say: “Stop the world, I want to get off!”

I am however finding silver linings more often than before. A perfect example happened this morning while driving to work. I heard the Jimi Hendrix song “Castles made of Sand.” In it he tells the story of a young Indian who dreamed of growing up and being a warrior chief. As a boy he would “play war games in the woods with his Indian friends.” When he finally was old enough and “he would sing his first war song… fight his first battle… something went wrong; surprise attack killed him in his sleep that night."

Up until this morning I always thought it was such a sad song since the Indian waited his whole life to be in a battle but died the night before it ever happened. Today though it seemed to be the perfect ending to his life though – he was able to die with dreams of a glorious fight and beating his rivals, without experiencing the cold and brutal reality of what it might have been like.

Something didn’t go wrong, it went right.

Unfortunately it seems only through struggle and hardship can some people (like me) see things for what they really are. I'm sure I have a lot more learning to do, so in truth I don’t want to get off the world - I just want the spinning to slow down a little!!